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| Flu
Having the stomach flu really sucks, the only good thing about it... I lost like 10 lbs. Yep, other then feeling like I'm gonna die or pass out or anything... something good came outta it.
Yea, I'm gonna be done with this because it isn't over yet.... | | |
| Boys and Friends
Why is it that everytime I finally have a friend that's a guy either I end up liking him or he ends up liking me? There is only one instance where that hasn't happend and I'm so thankful for it... D, your the best! I wish more guys were like you... well I think I do. Yeah, I think that's all that I wanted to write, but who knows, school still doesn't start for about two hours so I've got nothing to do till 7:45. Um, yea later
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| Blasphemous
So I think I finally figured it out, I'm on this planet to fuck everything up. That is my mission and I seem to be completing it faster then anyone even thought. Every fucking time I do something, somehow to fuck everything up. So lets look at all my old boyfriends...
Chris-  Let's see how did I fuck that one up? Well it started out perfect in fact I swear that was one of the happiest moments in my life... sad huh? I don't know exactly what I did the first time, I was just so happy, I had just started Windover and well... I had a big crush on him and he flirted with me like crazy and asked for my phone number, what was I suppose to be other then excited? We talked for hours on end, there was never a quiet moment, I've never had anything like that before. Then over the summer, I missed him so much, no matter who I've had a crush on since then, I always think about him... it's sad really.
Ryan- That was just a fucked up relationship before we even did anything at all... trouble just followed us around... we were never actually dating, but things so got pretty fucked up you all remember all that trouble we got into together...
Tommy- That was just one of my biggest, fucked up mistakes in my life, I swear to God, I don't know what I was thinking. Katherine you should have stopped me before anything happened... Ryan should have too, he was there.
Ian- I don't know what I did wrong, but there must have been something, I didn't deserve that for nothing. I really wish I could figure out what I did to get all of that... but I fucked it up, yep.
AJ- There is only one word for that... and I don't know the correct word to use, because I've never used it before, but the best I can come up with is... irrational and nonsensical.
I don't really feel like going to this year, I've done more then I did last year and over the summer to screw things up between everyone... there must be this black cloud of fuckyness that just follows me around. Maybe I should carry a warning about that, 'I'm hazardous to your health' or something like that.
Okay sorry about the "I" stuff it's what happens to me every now and then... and I'm going to apologize to everyone on here because I don't know if I do anything, but I just started my period (yes, I'm sure you all wanted to know that) so I'm bitchy, so I'm sorry if I do or say something that pisses you off, I probably don't mean it.
~*Mickey*~
My next entry may only be visible to certain people, because it is going to be a very long list of confessions. | | |
| Atrabilious
Life is always sending these fucking curve balls to us... you ever notice that? Why is it that the last person in the world you would think would care about you does and why does the one person you believe care about you doesn't? These are just stupid questions, because fate is a weird thing, you never know what is going to come next, but I guess that's what makes life, life.
I love my friends, they are so great... I wish there was some way that I could let them know how much they mean to me... I don't know if they do, but if it weren't for them I probably would be around still. I have a lot of problems I admit it, but I've been lucky to find the ones that I have... I wonder if Sam and Josh knew how much it meant to me to have them come over and check up on me. It may not seem like much, but just having them come over to see me, it really just made my day.
I hate to admit it, but I really need them... all of them; I hate saying that I need someone, but I do... it's just one of my little things that make me human... as much as I hate it, I'm human.
So, I guess there's been some shit being talked at school by someone I thought I could trust... I guess that is just another way that life likes to wake me up from my sweet dreams. I'm not going to say who it was, but most of you know... thank you for telling me Sam, I'm glad that I found out. And even though you don't read this Josh, thank you for the other night... you were right, no one there is worth crying over... not like that.
Well I get my phone back tomorrow, so for all of those of you that have missed talking to me on my phone, you'll get a chance for a while, so make it worth it.
She hides the bruises well now
Leaving no tell tale sign
About what went on
Inside her home that night
Daddy's hands should be so gentle
Mama's words should be so clean
She's heard about the loving families
But doesn't understand what it means
This victim tires out of fighting
She tired of losing herself and more
Something has to change right now
It's a pointless ongoing war
No person left to claim winner
Just a fight to see who dies
And if there really could be a winner
Just what would be the prize?
She wakes to another sunrise
Thanking God for life, nothing more
Steadily, as best she can
She lifts herself off the floor
She'll call him for comfort
Though she's come in second place
What is it about her?
That lets them think that this is okay?
His words cut her to the bone
With the lips he shares with another
With all of this, when will she break
Between the abusive family and lovers
This victim tires out of fighting
She tired of losing herself and more
Something has to change right now
It's a pointless ongoing war
No person left to claim winner
Just a fight to see who dies
And if there really could be a winner
Just what would be the prize?
She hides the bruises well now
(You'll never hear her cry)
Leaving no tell tale sign
(It's all of this she'll deny)
About what went on
(Something always is going wrong)
Inside her home/ Inside her life
Every night.
Michelle Nelson © 2005
I guess that's all that I have to say, there probably should have been more, but since I have more time now and have acess to a computer from now on I'll probably be able to update more often, which means that I probably will, because I like to get all of these fucking feelings out and across.
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| ...
Last week was just so great. Sam and I hung out a ton and just had too much fun, things were just working out perfectly... I should've known. Well after the first few day's of hanging out, Sam told me that Terry had a crush on me... well that just last Monday I told Sam and a few other people that I had a crush on (The guy I like)... well lets say that it didn't stay secret from anyone... Sam told him that same day. Well today when we were hanging out he was like, "we should go out sometime." (Exact quote) and that was just the happiest moment I've had in forever... I couldn't believe it. About 15 minutes later this girl who was just there when he asked me out... she was all over him. He didn't stop her... in fact he just went along with it... I don't hate him... I still really like him... I hate that girl, I hope she dies.
What's wrong with me? How come when I really like someone something always happens to fuck that up? I really wanna know, because I'm so sick of it.
I don't really want to go to school tomorrow... I'm so ashamed...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus]
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
[Chorus x2]
[x2]
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
So much for my happy ending
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